


Vaarsuvius's Super Secret Research Notes - Don't Touch!

by DianaSolaris



Category: The Order of the Stick
Genre: Ambiguous Gender, Established Relationship, Fluff and Humor, Other, Post-it Notes, Pre-Canon, Very Secret Diary
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-27
Updated: 2018-11-27
Packaged: 2019-08-30 02:25:34
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 1,023
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16756096
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DianaSolaris/pseuds/DianaSolaris
Summary: A series of notes, to-do lists, and diary entries from Vaarsuvius's early apprenticeship with Master Aarindarius.





	1. Apparently My Voice Is A Sedative

**Author's Note:**

  * For [molybdomantic](https://archiveofourown.org/users/molybdomantic/gifts).



> I saw your request and just had to run with it! I love writing in weird formats, so I decided to give this a shot :D

VAARSUVIUS’S LAB NOTES

**_DO NOT TOUCH! UNDER PAIN OF DISMEMBERMENT BY UNDERPAID GRAD STUDENT!_ **

To Do List:

  1. Find a suitably preposterous enchantment for my lab notes. Currently not of utmost importance, but still high priority. Who knows what terrible secrets I will unlock during my tenure of higher learning?1
  2. Find some halfwit to go retrieve fancy metal for Inkyrius’s ring. Perhaps will ask Master Aarindarius if there are any expelled prior apprentices still living locally. Sorcerors will do. Perhaps goblins?
  3. Come up with a proposal for Inkyrius that they won’t fall asleep during. Last attempt went poorly, but there is a silver lining – offers chance to find fancier metal.
  4. Find a way around barred schools of magic.2



 

1Check First Edition. It always has the best spells.1.1  
  
                 1.1Double check them for important changes. Cannot afford to lose anymore hair. Or familiars.  
  
2I have expressed my deep disappointment to Master Aarindarius to how the system is designed! I do not see how one is supposed to obtain the most power possible without a fully rounded education. I am perfectly happily specializing in evocation, of _course,_ but what if one finds themselves in a situation that truly calls for necromancy?2.2

                     2.1I have been instructed this came across more evil than intended. I have informed my new familiar that familiars are meant to be seen and not heard.


	2. All The Great Artists Used Living Models

VAARSUVIUS’S LAB NOTES

IT’S TOTALLY OKAY THAT YOU STOLE THESE. ALL YOU HAVE TO DO TO UNLOCK THEM IS SAY THE WORD ‘EXPLOSIVE RUNES’ OUT LOUD.

To Do List:

  1. Test Explosive Runes on a new lackey. Last one could not read after I cast Suggestion one too many times.
  2. Find convincing moral excuse for Master Aarindarius as to why lackeys do not count as human/mortal/elven/etc. so-on-so-forth testing.3
  3. Ice birthday cake for little ones.4
  4. Learn next-level illusion spells. (A.k.a., the fun ones.)
  5. Test illusion spells on Kyrie while I finish assignment for Master Aarindarius. I love my family but I also love my master not being mad at me. Everybody wins!
  6. ~~Get a new familiar.~~ Apparently the last one is still here. Never mind. 



3It isn’t like any of them _died._ I am not an _amateur._  
                3.1 I would also like it noted that it is questionable how well he could read beforehand. __  
4Kyrie instructed me not to use magic, which I think is a trick to make work for me. Nevertheless, they asked nicely. I will keep my complaining here.


	3. Bentham Can Take A Long Walk Off A Short Pier

VAARSUVIUS’S RESEARCH NOTES

I PREPARED EXPLOSIVE RUNES TODAY

Problem. Problem, problem, problem.

I have an essay due for Master Aarindarius, and the twins’ birthday is today… And the hobbit I enchanted to go ~~steal~~ acquire some moonsilver for me just sent me a message to meet him. Today. Apparently the Suggestion wore off, so I’m lucky he’s not extorting me for more than the actual price of moonsilver. I can afford that without any trouble! But…the timing is a problem.

I can’t cast _two_ Illusions. And I can’t blow off my children. And I can’t blow off my master.

I attempted to read Bentham to see what the great philosopher had to say. Apparently he is an annoying piece of tripe, so I burnt the book instead.

TO-DO LIST:

  1. Time-travel back in time and make it so Utilitarianism was never invented.
  2. Go get that moonsilver.
  3. Make it to my kids’ birthday party.
  4. Finish my essay.
  5. Somewhere in there, perfect my proposal to Kyrie.
  6. Please.9



Perhaps there is a useful spell somewhere.

~~Teleport through Time~~ 5  
~~Boots of Swiftness~~ 6  
~~Primal Speed~~ 7 ~~  
~~ ~~Speed Swim~~ 8

5Too much room for error, and not enough for precision. That, and I can’t guarantee I wouldn’t reappear in the middle of the cake, and my intelligence points are too valuable to risk.   
6Useful… if anywhere within 5 miles sold them. They don’t help with the travel time involved going to _get_ them.  
7By all rights this should be a wizard spell!!! I HATE SORCERORS!!! HATE THEM!!! Druids can stay, but they’re on _thin ice.  
_8Now I’m just scraping the bottom of the barrel.

9Update: Alcohol was acquired but it just made me sad, so I set it on fire. It is now my science experiment.


	4. But Charisma Is My Dump Stat

VAARSUVIUS’S RESEARCH NOTES

EXPLOSIVE RUNES ARE A THING GO AWAY.

ALSO THIS ISN’T A DIARY YOU MISBEGOTTEN SNOOP. GENIUSES DO NOT KEEP DIARIES THEY KEEP RESEARCH NOTES. WHICH ARE VERY DANGEROUS. BEGONE.

ALSO YOUR NOSE IS UGLY AND YOU SMELL.

 

                I’m so confused. I went to talk to Master Aarindarius to see if he knew any more spells.

                And he told me to hand in the paper next week.10

                I am very confused. I think I would have preferred a spell. But nevertheless, now I have time to do both of the things I need to do.

                He also told me to take a few more skill ranks in Charisma. I think that was a joke.

                Time to go blow out some candles, continue to think up a proposal that will sweep Kyrie off their feet (or at the very least not make their eyelids droop), and wish my little ones the best of luck on their next year of life. Wish me luck.

 

10 It’s somewhat of a travesty, really. I only need ten more minutes to finish it. Ten minutes, mind you, with just a little bit of caffeine potion, but I am an excellent student and can make the _most_ out of ten minutes. I’m not entirely sure what to do with a whole other week. I’ll end up twiddling my thumbs waiting for the deadline!

                        10.1Reports of health concerns have been greatly exaggerated. Who says eyes are not _intended_ to do such magical things with the correct stimulus? Consider it my other science experiment. Biology versus chemistry.

                        10.2Familiar made a joke about how I should consider myself lucky to even have thumbs. Familiar has been banished once again. Next time he gets snarky, I’m turning him into the party pinata.


End file.
